norah komali

this sweet girl is spending a few days at the children's hospital.
she's 2 months old (tomorrow).
i told jana that i am most definitely praying for them.
then i found that my first inclination was to pray for healing, health...comfort, convenience, happiness...
because this is how we pray. often, at least.
but i've been having some intriguing conversations about prayer,
reading Jesus' words in john,
and just this morning i heard this song which i love (and the story behind the song)
i am left thinking differently 
and i have to ask what underlies our requests for health and happiness
and if those are really the things that God teaches us to ask for.
in john, Jesus says that if we ask anything in His name, He will do it
but i've always known that it isn't that simple.
Jesus also says that He will do what we ask of Him so that the Father might be glorified.
i read through the commentary also.
asking in Jesus' name is asking according to His character and His will
because in those days, so much more than these,
a person's name identified so much about him.
john records Jesus' words about the vine and the branches...
"abide in Me... bear fruit... abide in My love... love one another."
His concern is always for the Father's glory and that we might know Him more
because only in His presence is fullness of joy.
so, yes, my prayer is still that norah is healed, that nathan and jana might have rest,
but even more than that
i pray that they might abide in You, clinging to Your unchanging faithfulness and mercy, that because of this trial they might be rooted deeper in their knowledge of You, that they might have an even greater capacity to love because they have walked with You, even in the valley, and that their testimonies would glorify the You.

"when Jesus had spoken these words, He lifted up His eyes to heaven, and said, “Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify You, since You have given Him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom You have given Him. and this is eternal life, that they know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent."
[john 17.1-3]

coherence

it often comes full circle.
"it" being the small details of understanding that i gain on a given day
my prayer this morning was for steadfastness.
also that the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart would be pleasing in God's sight,
because i'm finding myself more aware of the times when things come out of my mouth that i am not pleased with and that He, most certainly, would not be pleased with.
and i went to the gym
where i've been listening to matt chandler's series on the canon and the depth of our faith
[this series is apparently from a men's conference. ha. oh well.]
he references psalm 19 often.
at the end of the poem is verse fourteen,
 ¹⁴ Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
   be acceptable in your sight,
   O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

it is small, but to me not insignificant. yet one more thing that points to consistency, connectedness, and coherence of even the smallest details.

thank You.

places

LOVE this blog...
blue pueblo

possess

All I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

 [knowing You, Jesus]

Now my heart's desire is to know you more
To be found in you, and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of your risen life
And to know you in your suffering
To become like you in your death my Lord
So with You to live
And never die

fixed

i find myself in a strangely restful place tonight.
strange because it is 140am and i am at work.
restful because i have, yet again, reached the end of myself, and this, somehow, feels healthy. historically, this has always been a highly frustrating experience. tonight, no exception.
i love when things are going well and i can ride on my own successes.
it feels good, it feels easy, it almost feels right.
but then revelation 2 comes rushing in and the Rider on the White Horse reminds me that my insecurities, my weaknesses, my mistakes, have a home in my self-sufficiency.
my own illustrious control, as a favorite professor suggests.
i have this tendency to place my full identity in the words of people.
i can place my value in a text message.
i'll place my hope in how eloquently i might craft my next sentence.
but it is worthless, according to paul, if my eyes are not firmly fixed on the author and perfecter of my faith.
and now this feeling is so common that it takes but a moment for me to pinpoint its root.
pride, selfish ambition, a drifting from what i have come to hold so dear...
so when i feel this way, i know that the pain of it is a gift, a gift of discipline as the author of hebrews states, whoever that author may be.
painful for a moment, but ushering in joy as soon as it has passed.

"...but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." [hebrews 12.10-11]

let us fix our eyes on Jesus.