...

my heart hurts for n who i suspect is depressed. and overwhelmed.
you wouldn't know it because she keeps so busy and she doesn't exactly invite us in in this way.

my pride is frustrated because i see how my misplaced priorities reflect my selfishness.

this urgency is before my eyes, confronted by compete helplessness on my part. and they need to know, but i can't make them to understand...

but these things force me to turn my gaze from all of this what will pass away
and i have to look at Him

chasm

 

neil talked about comparison

and the truth is that we can find quite a deal of comfort in religious mediocrity.

we compare ourselves to those around us

and we find people who are above us

and we find those who are below us

and we take the most comfort in those who are below us.

but

the bible does not talk about comparing ourselves to each other.

the bible is only concerned with how we compare to God.

and so when we chart this comparison,

the chasm between myself and the God of the universe

is immeasurable.

love, however,

compelled Jesus to exchange the consequences of His life

for the consequences of every life that cedes to His worthiness.

neil also described it as this situation where Jesus and i are both standing outside the door awaiting judgment before God.

we both hold a video tape that holds records of everything that we have ever done and thought.

Jesus' rap sheet is full of obedience, kindness, purity, holiness - every thought honoring God and every action: selfless love

mine is everything contrary.

and Jesus says I'll trade ya

and God sees my life placed on Jesus, and His perfection placed on me

but not just on me

on everyone who trusts in His name.

and in this one man is all the power to bear all. of. our. sin. and make us pleasing before God.

i've sort of been waiting, at least these past few years, for the one day when this situation will just make sense

but i'm accepting now that it probably won't. it just can't. not until i can see His face.

grace is true, so incredibly true,

though not humanly sensible. 

i compare myself, then, to Perfection

and before i can despair the thought of the difference between He and i

Jesus overwhelms my vision (i pray this to always be His dealing with me)

and i understand one facet more

of His majesty

and my unworthiness

why is it that man cannot stand in the presence of God and live,

yet God is drawn to His enemies?

He has the power to make his enemies His friends.

He has. He does. He'll continue to do so.

until Jesus comes one last time.

i pray that i, and you, may see more and more of the weight of the Gospel

and that this easter is the most joy-filled day

because of His grace.

sunrise

last week was an amazing week,
with a dear friend.
God proved Himself faithful
with an abundance of laughter and rich conversation.
also, the sun joined us.
and i felt honored in so many ways.
and now
with these 1200 miles
God asks for open hands
and childlike trust
and i see that this won't be easy,
but necessary.

in the psalms
david is consistent in his dialogue
with "my King and my God"
and it is a beautiful example
and a challenge
to persist in such communication myself.
because God is the faithful one. 
so often the writers of the Bible command God's people to
remember remember remember
His faithfulness

because this is our confidence and our hope.

"but Christ is faithful over God's house as a son.
and we are his house
if indeed we hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope."
[hebrews 3.6]

and april 26 could not come quickly enough. 

shanes

i just discovered that shane and shane will be in allegan for the big ticket festival in june...
they'll be there on the 14th, two days after my birthday. what a gift to worship with my favorite artists!

who wants to go with me?!
it is $35 for the day pass...$5 for parking...and a day with tam. seriously...
but the price goes up after mid-april, so let me know ASAP!

grey

gray 1 |grā| ( Brit. grey)
adjective

::neutral or dull, esp in character or opinion 

i talk often with this small group of friends at school.

they don't think the way that i do.

they don't generally believe the way that i do

but their thinking intrigues me, challenges me,

and i love them.

s said that she is learning to live in the tension of

unanswered questions.

i am learning to live in the tension of disagreement.

it is hard though

because i believe in absolutes. 

i believe that God is the fundamental absolute

and that His purposed and intricate design for structures, systems, and people

are certain.

and then paul says things like we have the mind of Christ and 

i appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment

and so then i have to wonder if some of these grand philosophical differences are okay

and i am left more confused than when i started. 

i am not sure if my intrigue for philosophy is due to its political correctness and its "grey" nature or the fact that i don't have to make commitments to what i really believe...i am a 6 after all...  

and neutral sounds very similar to lukewarm...

someday.

i will write a book. someday.
 

joy

thank you, sweetest man ever.
:)

psalm 62

for God alone, o my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from Him.

He

only

is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; i shall not be shaken.

on God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

right

the way that david talks about the righteous and the unrighteous men of his day
makes me wonder how it is that we should feel and act towards people today.
my first thought upon observing david's strong words was yikes, calm it down yo. have a little compassion.
but i think that my reaction, as a product of American 21st century culture, is quite telling.
tolerance.
apathy.
postmodern thought.
i think that these things are normal.
but normal doesn't always constitute right.
right has its roots deep in Reality.
and reality is simply that Jesus is the way, the truth, the life.
bonhoeffer attributes much of the disconnect to the rise of the monastic movement,
which, in and of itself was not bad,
but it helped to develop a dichotomy of thought in regards to the christian life.
the truly pious devoted themselves to Word, the poor, to monestaries and cloisters,
while the rest simply lived life like everyone else. essentially. eventually.
it has since developed to the extreme. today. here.
and i don't want to be content reacting this way to things that go so completely contrary to God and his righteousness.
a new friend from class, who i will clearly be in disagreement with much of this semester, said something to me last week. and i wish i had answered differently.
the context of this situation was that we had just watched a movie in class, a movie that i found the be highly inappropriate (i wish i had not watched it).
talking with m (sitting next to me) afterward, c (the new friend) overhears the conversation and my displeasure and he adds his two cents, "oh please, it was only 12 frames. no big deal."
my response to him was tolerant, accommodating, and stupid.
if i could do it over again i would tell him that the Name of Jesus Christ deserves more respect than that, that our desensitization to sin and narcissism has no place under the authority and worthiness of Him who is the Way, the Truth, the Life.
because really, we should be disgusted to represent Him that way.
the things we watch, the things we listen to, the things we allow ourselves to think.
they all matter. they carry serious weight, whether we allow ourselves to be sensitive to them or not.
i told c that those were my values and i was disappointed, but i wish that i had held him to the same standard as one who also lives here as a representative of Jesus Christ. if i had loved him (c) better i would have pushed back and challenged him to live a life worthy of the calling that he (i assume) has received.
we are capable of living this way.
my prayer is that we hold one another to the standards of the One to whom we will give an answer for everything that we say and do,
that we would speak with boldness to safeguard His Name while we faithfully live out this vapor that is life now,
that we might accurately represent Him to the world in purity, authority, grace.

"to this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by His power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." [2 thess. 1.11-12]

promises

another blog that i [highly] recommend: 365 promises