graduated!

yay :)

 

close

my college days are drawing to a close.
and i
could.
not.
be.
more.
excited.
but it is a challenge with these exciting days ahead
and the thing that is frustrating me the most
is that my time in the mornings
is so very distractible.
i remember seasons where the first 30+ minutes in the mornings
was so disciplined and rich and focused and exciting.
they were my favorite time of the day.

mornings at the boiler room, especially during weeks of 24/7
when i would sit in chelsea's bird nest chair in front of my huge window
studying deuteronomy and joshua.

the weeks after i got home from israel,
studying the life of david and i was absolutely enthralled...

early mornings in colorado
saw a perfect team of hot tea, jesus calling, the gospels, and the mountains.
then mal would come into the living room and blow dry her hair.
i loved these mornings.

i'm distracted now by the freedom and possibilities that graduation promises,
i'm distracted by the most wonderful man that God has brought into my life,
i'm distracted by so. many. things. that i want to learn next...
and all of these are such great things.

but
He
is
better.
and in light of this, everything else will hold its rightful place.

luke 10.41-42 

but the Lord answered her, “martha, martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

luke 12.29-32

and do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. for all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. “fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

philippians 4:6-8

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

intricately

talk about a heavy week...
God's faithfulness became more real to me
and i am so humbled in my helplessness.
i feel like i had to answer this question for myself as if i have never asked it before.
God, are you present? are you faithful? do you hear me?
there were moments when i have never felt more alone
and He would remind me of His immanence.
it seemed like each day one conversation or one random interaction blessed me such that it would sustain me until i needed that next confirmation of His promise.
like shawna said today that it is no small thing to learn that our God is both sovereign and good.
He works for our good.
He is involved and aware
and because of this we can expect that even the hard weeks
are purposed.
i haven't felt humility this way in a long time.
it kind of makes me sick
but it also makes God look so much greater in my eyes.
i see Him as more capable than i've believed before
I see His compassion, His eyes, sincere.
though overwhelmed with what life is asking of me now
as i finish my college career
i'm learning myself
in new ways
and i've been challenged and encouraged by so many dear friends.
thank you, dear friends. you have no idea what God is doing through you.
and this last little acknowledgement that He is concerned for the small things as well,
i looked at one of my favorite blogs.
it is called 365 promises.
i do this thing where i like to read the thing that is posted on my birthdate,
and actually, i like to do this in the book of luke too.
i'll read a june 12 entry. or, with luke, i'll read chapter 6, verse 12.
i don't just do this for my birthday.
[i love birthdays.]
and i do this for friends and family as well.
i looked up alex's birthday on 365 promises.
this was the picture and promise that was posted there:

this was on my desktop for months...
months ago.
such a small detail.
perhaps.
but quite possibly just another reminder that He is intricately aware of my life
and He cares.
how easily we can miss these precious details if we are not watching for them.
His mercies are new every morning.
He blesses us all. day. long.
and how blessed i am.

easter

easter is the best day of the year
in my opinion.
i love easter week. i love good friday.
so thankful for all of it.
the world's story coming together
in Jesus, the One whose righteousness alone is sufficient
sufficient to remove all sin, guilt, shame, fear
the things that can so often and so easily own our days,
and to replace these things with grace, joy, peace,
the things that - whether we can label them or not - we are all desperately living our lives in search of
but
these human limitations,
our boxed-in comprehensions of what it means to receive something
will never make sense of our undeserved gift,
the greatest self-denial ever known.
this humility of Jesus contrasted against - but somehow also working in tandem with -
the Father's complete power, rooted in His complete love.
it is hard to understand Jesus' death as love
and our sins, gone.
but
when we know the character of God,
we can know that it is His very nature that desires to give Himself
so that we may have life to the full [john 10]
and we can know that Jesus was obedient, even to death
to prove 2 things
that God, the Father, can be trusted no matter how must we must give
and that life comes only from death.
the Resurrection.
the reason we can stand today in assurance that
the God of the universe delights in us.
Jesus says that very few people can say this
because the road is narrow [matthew 7]
but
His Word also states that
in those who believe in Him [with lives that show this to be so clear, bearing fruit] [john 15]
dwells the same power that raised Jesus from the dead. [romans 8.11]
and i, we, can walk in confidence knowing this.
it is finished.
...this day changed everything.

steadfast

this never happens to me
i woke up singing a song ["You are my hope" by Matt Gilman and Cory Asbury]
and when i opened my Bible to read, i was at Psalm 25

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
² O my God, in you I trust;
    let me not be put to shame;
    let not my enemies exult over me.
³ Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
    they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.

⁴ Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
    teach me your paths.
⁵ Lead me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are the God of my salvation;
    for you I wait all the day long.

⁶ Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love,
    for they have been from of old.
⁷ Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
    according to your steadfast love remember me,
    for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

⁸ Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
⁹ He leads the humble in what is right,
    and teaches the humble his way.
¹⁰ All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
    for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

¹¹ For your name's sake, O Lord,
    pardon my guilt, for it is great.
¹² Who is the man who fears the Lord?
    Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.
¹³ His soul shall abide in well-being,
    and his offspring shall inherit the land.
¹⁴ The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,
    and he makes known to them his covenant.
¹⁵ My eyes are ever toward the Lord,
    for he will pluck my feet out of the net.

¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
¹⁷ The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
    bring me out of my distresses.
¹⁸ Consider my affliction and my trouble,
    and forgive all my sins.

¹⁹ Consider how many are my foes,
    and with what violent hatred they hate me.
²⁰ Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
    Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
²¹ May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
    for I wait for you.

²² Redeem Israel, O God,
    out of all his troubles.

these lines stood out to me

³ Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;

¹⁰ All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness,
    for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

all the paths. even the hard ones. 

love and faithfulness for those who hold fast to Him.

[and this makes me think of char. i miss her.]

habit

nights like this
when i am just frustrated with myself
convicted by the morning's sermon
feeling so ridiculously needy
and completely unmotivated,
i have to choose to see You
and how far i fall short
and how i can do nothing unless You will and act

You, my sustainer
You, my grace
You, my motivation
You, my joy
You, my purpose
You, my ability to love
You, my strength to press on
You, my great great reward
You, my ever present help

...this is what i used to do when i found myself losing sight of the best, eclipsed by the good and the better...

i will remember to remember who You are.

and i refuse to be so caught up in the things around me that i fail to cling to the very source and direction of my life.
Jesus tells the jews that they need to come to Him and believe in Him
yet
He also tells them, "no one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him."
here's what you need...but you can't do it.
story of my life
and all of ours
but we can trust His work
because of Love
and we look forward
to easter... 

...

my heart hurts for n who i suspect is depressed. and overwhelmed.
you wouldn't know it because she keeps so busy and she doesn't exactly invite us in in this way.

my pride is frustrated because i see how my misplaced priorities reflect my selfishness.

this urgency is before my eyes, confronted by compete helplessness on my part. and they need to know, but i can't make them to understand...

but these things force me to turn my gaze from all of this what will pass away
and i have to look at Him

chasm

 

neil talked about comparison

and the truth is that we can find quite a deal of comfort in religious mediocrity.

we compare ourselves to those around us

and we find people who are above us

and we find those who are below us

and we take the most comfort in those who are below us.

but

the bible does not talk about comparing ourselves to each other.

the bible is only concerned with how we compare to God.

and so when we chart this comparison,

the chasm between myself and the God of the universe

is immeasurable.

love, however,

compelled Jesus to exchange the consequences of His life

for the consequences of every life that cedes to His worthiness.

neil also described it as this situation where Jesus and i are both standing outside the door awaiting judgment before God.

we both hold a video tape that holds records of everything that we have ever done and thought.

Jesus' rap sheet is full of obedience, kindness, purity, holiness - every thought honoring God and every action: selfless love

mine is everything contrary.

and Jesus says I'll trade ya

and God sees my life placed on Jesus, and His perfection placed on me

but not just on me

on everyone who trusts in His name.

and in this one man is all the power to bear all. of. our. sin. and make us pleasing before God.

i've sort of been waiting, at least these past few years, for the one day when this situation will just make sense

but i'm accepting now that it probably won't. it just can't. not until i can see His face.

grace is true, so incredibly true,

though not humanly sensible. 

i compare myself, then, to Perfection

and before i can despair the thought of the difference between He and i

Jesus overwhelms my vision (i pray this to always be His dealing with me)

and i understand one facet more

of His majesty

and my unworthiness

why is it that man cannot stand in the presence of God and live,

yet God is drawn to His enemies?

He has the power to make his enemies His friends.

He has. He does. He'll continue to do so.

until Jesus comes one last time.

i pray that i, and you, may see more and more of the weight of the Gospel

and that this easter is the most joy-filled day

because of His grace.

sunrise

last week was an amazing week,
with a dear friend.
God proved Himself faithful
with an abundance of laughter and rich conversation.
also, the sun joined us.
and i felt honored in so many ways.
and now
with these 1200 miles
God asks for open hands
and childlike trust
and i see that this won't be easy,
but necessary.

in the psalms
david is consistent in his dialogue
with "my King and my God"
and it is a beautiful example
and a challenge
to persist in such communication myself.
because God is the faithful one. 
so often the writers of the Bible command God's people to
remember remember remember
His faithfulness

because this is our confidence and our hope.

"but Christ is faithful over God's house as a son.
and we are his house
if indeed we hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope."
[hebrews 3.6]

and april 26 could not come quickly enough. 

shanes

i just discovered that shane and shane will be in allegan for the big ticket festival in june...
they'll be there on the 14th, two days after my birthday. what a gift to worship with my favorite artists!

who wants to go with me?!
it is $35 for the day pass...$5 for parking...and a day with tam. seriously...
but the price goes up after mid-april, so let me know ASAP!