cruciform

the ancients believed that their leaders were image-bearers of their gods.
pharaoh, for example, was the image-bearer of the egyptian sun god, ra.
this idea, though, is grounded in reality.
God says in genesis 1 that He created the first man and woman in His image. and subsequently, every person whose life origninates from adam + eve (i would argue this is every human who has ever existed, and each one to come) then also bears this same image, God's image, and a significant identity and purpose to represent God to the world.
His goodness, His kindness, His justice, His grace, His integrity, His work ethic, His love for unity within diversity.
"problems arise when people determine that they are more of an image-bearer than others" said dr. jonathan greer,
and then referencing deuteronomy 7, "the Lord did not set his affection on you [israel] and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. but it was because the Lord loved you..."
"proceed in humility" dr. greer cautioned us.
and it struck a chord with this heart that has been wading through a heavy season of testing and sharpening and hard but good. so hard, but so good. the oh-so-painful-but-still-i-wouldn't-trade-it for-ease-and-comfort kind of hard.
because we're free to deeply and genuinely love all people when we recognize how undeserving of love we ourselves truly are.
we're free to give [kindness, forgiveness, grace, approval] to those who have hurt us, when we can see through eyes of humility.
but we don't simply choose to be small before others, this too is a gift, and it is one we must ask for daily, and probably multiple times each day.
to be honest, i don't do this well. sometimes i find myself going days, weeks, riding on my own perceived strength and successes, until God, in His grace, lets me feel all of the things that i naturally am apart from Him.
i see the ugliness and selfishness of this heart that forgets that i can do all things through Christ, and nothing apart from Him.
i experience the debilitating effects of anxiety when i've failed to look to Him for my next steps, but this anxiety, is also in these moments the greatest gift as it points me back to the truest north.
i feel hopeless and lonely until i turn back and see that God, whose image i bear to the world, is also my constant companion and my joy.
i'm thankful, thankful that we haven't been created to live this life without purpose or in isolation. i'm thankful that the God whose image i bear is willing to let me feel pain to be reminded that He alone promises a life without pain, sadness, fear, loneliness, anxiety, regret, sickness, death. because He alone has the words of life and the keys to life and He alone promises that He will come back here, when the time is best, and He will renew, restore, re-create.
if we trust Him and remember our place: undeserving, but fully and completely loved,
then we're free to give the same kind of love, the kind that doesn't need to be earned, because it is gift, grace, cruciform.

advent

i had the honor of writing for a blog(below) that our church was putting together for advent. read the rest of the blog here.

ISAIAH 7:10-14

Here Judah sits as the King of Aram and the King of Israel approach with their armies and threaten a likely defeat. Tensions are high and hope is at an all-time low as Judah’s army is no match for the partnership between the Arameans and the Israelites. (Note: This is when the kingdom of Israel is divided – the Northern Kingdom: Israel, and the Southern Kingdom: Judah).

In the seventh chapter of Isaiah, the prophet is sent to the terrified king of Judah to warn him, and subsequently the people of Judah, that they’ve misplaced their trust. 

Again the Lord spoke to Ahaz, “Ask the Lord your God for a sign, whether in the deepest depths or in the highest heights.”

But Ahaz said, “I will not ask; I will not put the Lord to the test.”

Then Isaiah said, “Hear now, you house of David! Is it not enough to try the patience of humans? Will you try the patience of my God also? Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.

God wanted to offer a sign. Ahaz missed the flashing lights. But still, God gives the sign he intended to give. He makes the grandest promise. I’ll come to you, He says, as a child, and the child will be Immanuel, God with you. 

Isaiah goes on in chapter 9, 

The people walking in darkness

   have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of deep darkness

   a light has dawned.

You have enlarged the nation

   and increased their joy;

they rejoice before you

   as people rejoice at the harvest,

as warriors rejoice

   when dividing the plunder.

For as in the day of Midian’s defeat,

   you have shattered

the yoke that burdens them,

   the bar across their shoulders,

   the rod of their oppressor.

Every warrior’s boot used in battle

   and every garment rolled in blood

will be destined for burning,

   will be fuel for the fire.

For to us a child is born,

   to us a son is given,

   and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called

   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the greatness of his government and peace

   there will be no end.

He will reign on David’s throne

   and over his kingdom,

establishing and upholding it

   with justice and righteousness

   from that time on and forever.

The zeal of the Lord Almighty

   will accomplish this.

When Isaiah references Midian’s defeat, what is the going through the mind of those who are hearing this prophecy in real time? Do you remember Gideon, one of the judges of Israel? You may recall the account in Judges 7 when God calls Gideon to go to battle against the Midianite army, which was grand in number. 

You watch as the scene opens and the main character stands on a dark hill overlooking the valley below where hundreds of thousands of people gather late into the night to launch their attack on the one you’re quietly but anxiously rooting for. 

Over the next few minutes you watch the reasons for hope flicker and soon your heart resolves to watch as the last stream of smoke whisks away the last bit of confidence that you had in your hero’s chances at survival, much less victory. 

The odds are so small. 

You watch as the crowd below seems to multiply spontaneously and you scan again the team that you believed in. 

Three hundred compared against an army settled in the valley, thick as locusts. Their camels could no more be counted than the sand on the seashore. 

The darkness continues to settle like a wet blanket, and standing under its ever-growing weight adds layers of despair. Your grip on hope is weak. 

But then

you hear a shatter

and 299 of the same sound

at the same time light pierces the darkness to the left, and to the right, and on the far side of the hill across from where your hero stands.

He holds a torch in hand, a shofar in the other,

the sound is deafening and the firelight so bright that your eyes haven’t had time to adjust.

The 300 torch-bearing, horn-blowing soldiers stood in their place

and that army in the valley below, the innumerable men and camels that had sucked almost all hope from your heavy heart,

they destroyed one another 

and the ones that remained? 

They fled

while the 300 rejoiced at the victory that was surely miracle. 

Isaiah paints this picture, drawing the mind of his audience back to Gideon’s battle against the Midianites, and the growing hopelessness that many of the people of Israel felt as God limited Gideon’s army from 32,000 men to 10,000 men, to 300. 

Why? 

The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’

God knows. 

He knows the tendency of the human heart. 

He knows my heart to believe that my own strength is the reason for any success in my life. 

He knows that the human mind cannot comprehend His power and authority, and certainly not the depth of His love.

He knows.

So, hundreds of years later, when he speaks to Israel, through Isaiah, 

He promises a seemingly impossible salvation

but artfully reminds the original hearers that He’s done this before.

In 2017, we know that He can save and He did completely when Christ came as a helpless baby boy and lived a life of fellowship with God the Father and died a death cut off from the Father and He did all of it selflessly, for the glory of the Father and ultimately that each of us might share in that glory.

Sister, is there a challenge before you today? 

Is God gently walking with you, asking you to remember His past faithfulness and to trust in His current faithfulness?

All throughout Scripture, He calls his people to remember and to trust Him who is able. 

Practice this art of remembering today.

Rest in His faithfulness

Remember the countless accounts.

Deuteronomy 8, Psalm 40 + 41, remember when He reveals to a despairing Elijah in 1 Kings 19 that He sees a picture so much grander than our limited eyes can see. 

Dear one, may His character stand firm in your heart and mind and you traverse the hills, mountain-tops, and deep valleys of life. May you look back at His past faithfulness and look trustingly forward to His certain future faithfulness as you walk out your days with Him. May you know it is HIS faithfulness and HIS love that carries you. You can’t earn this greatest gift. He gives it freely so that it cannot be stripped of its power and worth – His Presence. Treasure Him today, treasure Immanuel. Your God is with you. Always.

psalm 145

I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
All your works praise you, Lord;
your faithful people extol you.
They tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
so that all people may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.

The Lord upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.

The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

consolation

it is because a definite faith is lacking to appropriate the spiritual blessings we desire that so many prayers appear to be fruitless. for such an act of faith not everyone is ready. in many cases, there is not a spiritual capacity to accept the blessing; it is where there is no true conviction of the sin of disobedience and consequently no true sorrow for it. often there is not a strong longing or purpose to obey God completely in everything. in others, there is no deep interest in the message of scripture: that God wants to perfect us to do his will, by His working in us that which is pleasing in His sight. in such cases the christian is content to remain a babe. he wants only the milk of consolation. he is not mature enough to bear the strong meat of which Jesus ate: doing the will of His Father.

[a life of obedience, andrew murray, 1982]

seventh

re-learning rest - having given in to busyness, the reason why almost 11 months have passed since i've listed. that's not to say that I have't recognized gifts, but it's telling that the time it takes to type and list these things has been low priority. this week of "spring break" and cutting down from 50+ hours of work/week to just 18 feels like life again. it's that rest that God talks about in genesis on the seventh day when rest isn't the 24-hours of laziness that we tend to think rest should mean, but its an intentional time taken out of the week, holy, distinct from the other days, different in that God sat on His throne when He rested and managed all of his creation. He took up the reigns and organized and prioritized and took authority over His life. and its what i've felt called to for quite a while now, and this week has been that gift that i have needed. praise Him.

and if you don't already know, a few friends and i have been archiving treasures like these for a few years now, on our way to 3000. you can follow along here: www.3000gifts.blogspot.com

disagree

"if you can speak about what you care about to a person you disagree with, without denigrating them or insulting them, then you may actually be heard."
-amy pohler

importance

everything in me wants to defend this fortress
to "be true to myself" as i'm told to do
because if i feel it, it must be true...right?
it's shouted to me from each angle:
feelings are the barometer of truth
some days i try it out and i like how it feels
and i rise to the top of the hierarchy of all things important
they keep telling me this is right and good,
this is the way to happiness and confidence and success
i want it to be true
because it feels empowering
but i feel sick
every time
the instant gratification of being right and strong
it does it's job, gratifying instantaneously
then it flits away and takes everything with it
and does nothing to improve the interpersonal
or the intrapersonal
finally in the early morning hours
when eyes open sooner than usual
and the mind spins circles so that sleep is no longer welcome
i wonder if there isn't a way that yields more fruit
because the rotten fruit that i've peeled from the branches until now
has never found a purpose.
i decide to try the opposite, experiment.
the lowering of self to a place of minimum importance
so as to look up to those previously labeled inferior
i watch vulnerability blossom
freedom and acceptance exhale
and this feels even better
more right
more fruitful
more life

shoelace

selfishness stares me right in the face with an undeserved contentment on her own.
i break eye contact and stuff my face back between pages. this only lasts so long and my mind jumps from one "what-if" to the next while my stomach ties itself like a shoelace, double-knotted.
i read the same paragraph for the fourth time, retaining none of it. finally i exhale and the book lies facedown on the cushion and i close the soul-windows and allow my soul to be searched by the only One capable.
selfishness is. but it is not master.
selflessness is. greater reality. promise.
if surrender. if the heart is willing to be broken and anchor it's hope in unshakable rock rather than drifty sand below sometimes- storm-tossed seas.
rock. qualities and realities that don't change or move or depend on anything else to maintain their integrity.
sand. always uncertain, tentative, contingent on performance and competition and comfort. and the wind and the moon and the creatures that manipulate it's resting place.
selfishness is. but she holds no power that she isn't given.
selflessness is. and holds all power. all authority. even death has no voice where the selfless stand confident, willing to know shallow pain for deep joy and temporary discomfort for forever rest.
jesus, unshakable rock, be my rest, my confidence, my willingness to feel pain - to feel it deeply - but to know joy infinitely deeper.

unburdened

"in Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence"
a few weeks ago ali recommended a group study of ephesians
and because i was too deep in 3 other books [not in the bible, lest you think that i'm trying to make myself sound so honorable]
at the time i didn't step in with the 3-4 that kept a steady dialogue going
but later, now
i remember walking those streets in early december exactly 10 years ago
2000-year-old columns and structures that tell only whispered stories of what the prosperous city used to be
but i remember hearing of the darkness that lived there, where the early church held on so faithfully to this new news of hope and purpose and messiah,
i remember the stadium that created space for gladiators and lions and all of the helpless victims
i remember talk of secret tunnels that led from library to brothel so the men of the city could indulge at whim without public knowledge
and i read here
that Christ came to create a new unified humanity out of the two volatile people groups
that He made it possible for mankind to approach God with freedom and confidence
until that moment of reconciling two humanities, of reconciling Creator with created
there was no access to such relationship
pain and suffering and death and confusion and loneliness landed heavily where they originated with no outlet for the burden and fear and distress
and it would have been fitting, appropriate, deserved
"like the rest, we were by nature deserving of great wrath. but because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ"
all of the mercy, the punishment entirely deserved but withheld, all of the grace
a good God, a kind and selfless outlet for all of the pain within which sinful humanity lives
He carries the hurt and confusion and fear and offers a burden that is light on the shoulders,
hopeful to the spirit
and joy-filled, evident in the eyes
His presence, immanence, companionship, and burden-carrying are the greatest gifts
thank you, Jesus, for making a way where there was no way and where burden was forever our lot in life

expended

lindsey made me do it
she made me run
that's what i keep telling people
and myself
because if i'm doing it for someone else i can tolerate it
normally
i hate running
and my last memory prior to this summer
was running the warrior dash with all of my brother and sisters (that part was actually quite wonderful)
but with some sort of respiratory ailment
one that almost killed me at the first water obstacle
when i didn't realize that the far side of that first barrel was bottomless lake
i was all the way under
and came up terrified
just barely grabbing enough air to keep me going to the sand
and 2 more miles of squishy tennis shoes
complete with climbing and crawling obstacles
then the finish line
where kristi and i looked at eachother and agreed -
i hate running. i'm never doing it again.
but then lindsey made me do it
and i got the app
and i started [at least] trying
but before i knew it
i kind of liked it
the rush of meeting the next goal,
seeing the progress,
working toward something that i'll share with a small group of friends
friends who are as much family as friends
so i keep trying and improving
[except for today - i definitely walked some today]
and i'm able to say that i'm loving running
if we're getting technical though
i'm loving the first mile and the completely expended feeling when the 3+ miles are passed
those other miles in between are a blur - a miserable blur
diluted by matt chandler and andy grammer and iin lectures, thankfully
but the end result always seeps satisfaction and victory and pride
and i'm glad that
lindsey made me do it.