colorado

[picture #1: at horn creek conference center, in the mountains, on a retreat, #2: Bethany, me, Mallory, and Kathryn: roommates, in front of Focus, #3: at the retreat. magic circle (i'm in the pink), #4: in Denver at the Colorado Rockies' baseball game]

i'm taking time this afternoon, time that i shouldn't be taking, but it is important to me to update this blog!
i'm currently between lunch and my internship. we had class this morning 8-1130. actually this is the usual schedule m-f.
things have been wonderful here. the weather, for example...it has been in the 80's and 90's since i arrived 3 1/2 weeks ago...and no humidity- which isn't great for the curls/waves, but as for personal comfort- couldn't be happier.
and have i mentioned our apartments? and our neighborhood. beyond my wildest dreams, if i can say that. if you care to see what i'm talking about, here's a quick tour:

http://www.forrent.com/apartment-community-profile/1015562.php

there was so much more that i was bursting to write about, but i have been distracted by all the bustling people that are constantly around. however, i am not complaining about that. i do get my own space on occasion and the people here are just so much fun, wonderful people to learn alongside, to be encouraged by, to learn from, as well as to laugh with, play with, eat with, and the all-important studying and reading. our professors at the institute keep us p l e n t y busy with hours of work. but again, i am not really complaining. the reading has been fantastic stuff...a couple of my favorites thus far include:

Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The American Leadership Tradition by Marvin Olasky
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
The Power of Commitment by Scott M. Stanley

So- here is just a brief synopsis of what's going on here with me. i'm sure i have barely scratched the surface but its a start.

oh, and here's my address since i love getting mail...almost a month and still waiting on that experience...

tammy dykstra
870 robbie view dr. apt. 421
colorado springs, co 80920

[peace]

settle

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001699.cfm

boundless

today
i received my assignment for my internship/practicum for the semester.
the ministry is a branch of focus on the family.
check
it
out.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/aboutus.cfm

fresh air

well well well
i am finally here.
and things are good.
i really couldn't be more pleased regarding all the details of life here.
this apartment is wonderful, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 3 roommates + me.

mallory is 22, from oklahoma. she just finished her student-teaching and graduated from...i can't remember. she is our extrovert. she's great, a lot of fun, and makes me laugh a lot, which you know i need...she has a brother in town and says that she will have plenty of family and friends visiting over the course of the semester.
bethany shares my room. she 22. she's sweet and an introvert. makes for some good quiet moments in our room for which i am so thankful :) she is from a missionary family that lived and worked in tanzania for quite a few years, though she considers herself to be from east tennessee.
kathryn 23 and is from pennsylvania. she is also quiet and kind. and i think we have deemed her a genius. ha! maybe not quite, but she is a very humble sort of woman who loves to learn, is very responsible, and a hard worker. and she brought this sweet poster of chili peppers, which i love, that is hanging in our dining room.

and our apartment is only minutes from the closest grocery stores, coffee shops, goodwill, etc., most of it between 1/2 mile and a mile away.
oh and by the way, my address is:

870 robbie view apt. 421
colorado springs, co 80920

you should write to me :)

transition

i'm sitting in this time of transition
well, hardly sitting, actually.

this week i move out of the boiler room
i guess i just didn't quite understand how difficult this would be for me...
i tend to see things in a very practical sense
and so
moving out was just one of those things that happens when life changes
but
this community
these people
this house
these have all become home.
and with that, safety and so much joy.
familiarity.
rest.
i don't want to leave.
but regardless of what it is that i think i want,
God knows so much better
and so the next step is to sort and pack and bring my things home.
home...mom and dad's house on egypt valley-
the place i grew up
and the next step after that is to board a plane for colorado springs for 3 1/2 months
and all the while i'm there
my childhood home goes through transitions of its own
as it is emptied of everything that i've known to be mine
and it is moved into a new home, about which- don't get me wrong- i am incredibly excited
i have discovered of myself this love-hate relationship with change
but we serve a God who does not change...
and this constancy is beautiful.

answers

when God answers requests
or when He gives a gift
humility is always the added bonus.
looking back this is easy to appreciate
but in the moment...never quite so simple.
at community prayer a few months ago
we prayed for eachother's requests.
it was a monday i remember vividly
because todd and rachel were there
and tony and char and paula and deem and jord...
basically i asked that God would increase my faithfulness,
that He would entrust me with more of His secrets so that i could be the servant...the slave of Christ that i claim to be
and so He has been revealing what i've asked.
He has been proving that the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.
and along with that He has been preparing me to step out
and He's asking of me these conversations that i cannot possibly anticipate
only trust that Jesus' words in luke 12.12 are truth
so i sigh.
and humble myself under His sovereignty.
yet again.

full

i think that i have just come up on a season in which God is renewing my awareness of my need for Him.
and this renewal is such grace. from Him.
this reminder, re-focus to Himself, is what i hope to be the daily interaction between He and i. always.
and it is beyond my capability to express how genuinely i am experiencing this need that i have for Him and this love that He has given me for Himself. and i hope that i never lose this treasure of experiential learning.
it is a real gift when He brings me to the place of misery when one too many days passes without real communication.
because He is well aware of where my heart is. He is not oblivious to the days when i read a few chapters...then on with my day (my day, right?)
He demands real relationship. and real knowledge of Him. not because He's egotistical, but because He knows that for me to know Him is the best way possible to live.
He came that i (and you) may have life.

to the full.

Ps. 4.4

...when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent...

in my life experience and observations, those who take seriously these words [of david] are the most healthy people, holistically speaking, at any given time.

this introspection is a thing of humility, and humility is the key to life. and by life i don't just mean having air in your lungs, i mean this abundant life that Jesus promised.

and this humility [that Jesus so faithfully displayed and of which i still am inconceivably overwhelmed] surrenders to the fact that we are subject to a standard, to Truth, that is so much more than guidelines and a series of rules, black and white. it is the subjection of man to this standard that is only understood through relationship with the One who is sovereign.

it frustrates me that many, or most rather, are unwilling to assess their thoughts, their attitudes, their motives, and to truly accept with discontentment, anything that is less than good.

and probably, most of this unwillingness is due to a lack of understanding of the standard by which we were indeed created to live. and much of this, counter-sequentially, is because of a straight rejection of the Spirit of God.

and herein lies the root of every imperfection of today. and ever.

and the solution is only prayer. because there is not one thing that any individual can do to change any other. just as there is not one word, one eloquently crafted sentence or monologue that can impact any other person, except by the work of the Spirit.

and we have to know Him.

I have to know Him.

ph. 3.8, 10

proven

when asked of my dreams and goals,
i usually have to answer vaguely or generally.
because
i just don't know.
sometimes dreaming scares me
because then i am sort of setting up these expectations,
expectations that i might fail to meet.
am i that afraid of failure?
it appears that way.
much of my life, this fear has driven me
to play it safe [i remember j saying this]
to avoid risks,
to give in to fear.
but if perfect love casts out all fear, what am i not comprehending of this love?
it isn't that He hasn't proven Himself
because over and over He has.
it is that i, again and again, in my pride,
fail to humble myself under His leading
and believe in His promises.

i will never leave you nor forsake you.

i have loved you with an everlasting love.

perfect love has no one than this, that He lay down His life for His friends.

i do not change.

i have plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

...and...i'm sure this is just a start.
but what will it take for me to actually live like i believe Him?
it will take me seeking HIM preliminarily.
and seeking His Son and His Word are it. His two most specific revelations of Himself and His heart.

You can pray for me to seek these things wholeheartedly. like joshua. and then i can have an inheritance like hebron.

because i'm no different than joshua in that i am under the same limitations of humanness. faith is not something that comes and goes like happiness or like tiredness. it is something that i must choose. and the more i learn to choose to believe, the more naturally it comes.

and i shall learn.

Purpose

i want to be someone of whom it can be said,

she makes mistakes well.

and by this i mean that i want to be someone, not who lives life in fear of making mistakes (because this is who i tend towards), but someone who anticipates mistakes, but understands that the way in which i respond to those mistakes is really what will identify my character.

and i think that the proverbs 31 woman can seem perfect, but i bet you that she made plenty of mistakes, but i bet that she made them well. and with humility.
i bet that she had a heart sensitive to the hearts of other people that she also had an awareness of hurts that she had caused.
and i just bet that her response was to acknowledge where her own depravity had allowed her to slip. because she had an understanding that a mistake is not the enemy. failure is not the enemy. broken relationship is.

and where as we don't have the power to control whether or not a mistake might take place, we can control how we maintain our relationships. and what love looks like.

i'm reading this book (thank you erin!) called Loving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny Silk.
i didn't know what to expect. a little cheese maybe? but it is astounding me- the insight and wisdom in the pages of this book.

"So at the heart of godly parenting is the conviction that the mistakes and failures of our children are not the enemy. The real enemy is bondage. And if we don't teach our children how to walk in and handle freedom, they won't know what to do with it. They may stay safe through Christian elementary school and Christian college and then they will go and wrap themselves in a religious environment and say, "Control me from the outside because if any of this went away I think I would disintegrate!" And later they will say, "I married a control freak so I wouldn't fall and we secretly and not so secretly hate eachother. But we go to church." It's a big bummer. To fear our children's poor choices is to teach them to be afraid of freedom."