Monday, November 5, 2012


they are 
few and far between-
those women who are patient to observe
and careful to act
those who are gracious towards others
and faithful in their loyalties
those who are quick to listen and slow to speak
but when they do speak,
these rare ones
hold treasures of wisdom.

one of these gems
(who shall remain nameless)
shared with me once
a part of her and her husband's story.
she talked about his discipline
about his stability and his faithfulness.
we talked about lots of things
so no question was off limits for either of us
did you wait? i asked her...
she nodded, a bit questioningly as to why i would ask
yes...of course.
why? i abruptly dropped this question without hesitation.
because i knew, she added confidently,
that if he lacked the self-control with me
then i would wonder throughout our whole marriage
whether or not i could trust him around other women.
i trust him now still.
he showed me decades ago that he was a man of his word
and when he made that promise to me on our wedding day...
i haven't doubted it once.

and recently i talked with a couple who shared a similar thought.
when you observe a man, he said,
look at the areas of influence and authority that he has.
how does he maintain these things?
look first at how he controls himself.
does he have self control?
because if a man shows great promise in these areas
it will be much more hopeful
that he can lead well in other areas too.
will he be able to lead his wife well?
his family?
will he be a leader in the community?
in the church?
if he can control himself
he is one to respect.
if he can't, you would do best to question his character.
(and as he spoke these things, his wife watched him
in agreement
holding him in such honor
because he is such a man as this)
and this type of man, she added,
only has this strength because he trusts in God's power
not his own.
he has such a view of God
that it guides his actions
that he excels in all that he does.
her eyes were bright as she spoke
because she has lived in this reality,
through God-given discernment
and patience and sacrifice.

standards and boundaries and expectations
are good and wise and necessary
of course, paired with grace.

ten, twenty-five, fifty years from now
what do you want to be able to say of the man to whom devote your life?