Sunday, November 30, 2008


When men (or women, I guess) use the excuse “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now” it is such a cop out.
In reality what he/she means to say is “Hi. I’m just not interested in you.”
Because think about this- if he/she really liked him/her, he/she would at least be adamant about pursuing a friendship.
Maybe money is an issue. Maybe time. Maybe other relationships.
But- if you were really interested in this guy/girl, don’t tell me you would do absolutely nothing about it.

Because I wouldn’t believe it.

Friday, November 28, 2008


L loves her kids more than anything.
J loves their kids as well, but not more than himself.

coming home from work,
he says his hello's,
makes some food,
and heads down to his big screen in the basement.
for the night.

and i hear these stories ALL the time now.
how is this happening?

Men were created to be men.
From history i understand this to mean that men are


but the men of today's world are not this.

i can name a few-
and I thank GOD for these.

and i remind myself:
I will not settle.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


okay, so, its just that everything seems to be coming down all at once.
my family.
i hate when it feels like i have a list of things to complain about
and i am pretty good about recognizing that my life is no more crazy or extraordinary than anyone else's on a given day, but this is just one of those.

so first there's my mom's best friend who is dying of cancer. this has been a couple of years now, but i her time is just now drawing to a close and this has been hard to witness. the man she's been married to for at least 30 years wishes she'd die. but she has Jesus- to the full- so its been okay.

then there's my dad. mom called me yesterday. "I just wanted you to know we're going to pick up a truck for dad to use." "Why? What happened to his?" "He was driving, saw a deer, hit a tree, and totalled it." "Mom! Is he okay? He NEVER wears his seat belt....!?" "Yeah, he has a few cuts and bruised ribs, but the airbags went off, so he was okay."
And i'm thinking, 'God, one detail off from the way it happened and i wouldn't have my dad anymore..." Talk about thanksgiving...

then there's my uncle Dale. He had a surgery on his colon last week and was in recovery and apparently came down with an infection in his intestine-
and this morning, exactly a week after his surgery, my aunt made the decision to pull the plug on his life support.
he was her BEST friend in the whole world. they had a great relationship. he knew Jesus though.

and ALL of it just kills me.
and its because i expect things to be perfect.
"Tam, its just that you want heaven," Chelsea says.
and that is the only way i can understand how i feel about it all.
i want to see perfection so badly and to quit witnessing the pain and the sin and the weeping and sorrow and regrets...

Monday, November 3, 2008


I was praying last week- about prayer- and this is what He said:

I have these blessings, storehouses of them, and your prayers unlock them.
I don't know if you get this- but I have created you- each of you- so that I can
partner with you to transform you all into people of hope and peace and
love. I have always intended to have this community of people who live life
with my eyes and my heart for the world, people who worship by loving
eachother. So pray. Ask me for things. As long as you desires align with
mine, i cannot wait to give them to you. So pray and pray and pray. Love.
And believe that I am who I say I am.