Friday, December 31, 2010


last night was so. much. fun.
when you are surrounded by a community of people who love each other this deeply
and when those people are convinced of the power of the Gospel
and those people consistently speak life over one another

transformation happens.

empowerment manifests itself in the lives of people.

the Name of Jesus is exalted.

and i dream.
i dream because i believe these dreams to be possible.
mom asked me a couple days ago about the degree that i am working toward
and for what may be the first time
i answered impulsively and assuredly.

and so i'm dreaming.
because i believe so much to be possible.
because i believe Him.
because i have been loved so well.

1 john 4.12
no one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us

Monday, December 27, 2010


YOU are my identity.
I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, even You.
“I am not good enough” will always be a lie.
I need You like nothing and no one else.
I am good enough. I am enough.
When You look at me You see Jesus.
I am good enough because He was more than good enough.
Love is acceptance and grace, patience and compassion.
By the ground in which I am rooted, I will bear fruit, fruit that will last.
My dreams are not small; they are not less.
Your gifts and Your call are irrevocable.
You have equipped me with everything that I need.
I am priceless in Your sight.
Real grace is only given when it is truly received.
YOU are my joy, my peace, my hope.

[john 15.16-17] You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


[kendra, beka, me, twyla]
can i just tell you how blessed i am to know this woman?
she [and her husband, steve] have blessed my life more than they may ever understand.
the wisdom and confidence that they carry i covet.

paul tells the corithians, "be imitators of me, as i am of Christ." [1 corinthians 11.1]
i hear this same call from so many godly men and women and these two are no exception from them

and i take an example from Jesus' disciples who seek not only to know the teaching of their master, but who desire to be just like Him and who then have a ministry to call others to follow them as they follow Christ.

and i will not hesitate to say that i hope [and pray] to one day have a ministry with even half of the impact as the Lees'.
i have had the opportunity to sit as a disciple in their class, in their office, in their home this semester and to leave is one of the most bitter parts of this semester's coming to a close.
i've sat and talked with them enough times, gaining God's perspective and His wisdom, and being reminded of the differences between His voice and that of the enemy.

satan’s voice:
God’s voice:
stills, leads, reassures, convicts, enlightens, encourages, comforts, calms

i've observed how precious and impactful a ministry can be in which two people partner together in all grace and vision to love people for God's glory, not their own.
i asked twyla that night, as our bread dough baked,
what would you say are the three biggest factors that brought you and steve into the place of ministry and influence that you have with young adults today?
without hesitation her first answer was: God's grace. there's no way steve and i could have lasted apart from Him.
the second explanation she gave was: partnering in ministry. we've always done ministry together.
and the third: commitment. and hard work.

i've begun to understand and accept my value.
i've learned to pinpoint some of the lies that i have believed and i've learned to replace those with Truth.
i've experienced love in way that i haven't felt the need to perform in order to be "good enough", but simply to run after Jesus as i am.

oh, and i'm home. all is very well.

merry christmas :)

Thursday, December 16, 2010


1. skiing at copper!
2. rockies game in denver
3. graduation day and hanging out with the moore's
4. cascades hike with michelle, andrew, and kevin
5. bread-baking and talks with twyla, kendra, and beka
6. celestial seasonings excursion in boulder
7. mountains mountains mountains
8. quiet times and Jesus Calling
9. koinonia dinner at the thomason's
10. old colorado city with the kucera's
11. thursday nights- family dinner and worship
12. glen eyrie with kathryn and alyssa
13. carless drive-in!
14. laughing over lunch
15. monday night football at the Lee's
16. laughing with mallory
17. learning to crochet with ciera
18. the convenience of a 24-hour gym across the parking lot
19. a sunday afternoon at agia sofia with kathryn and bethany
20. L7 [life group 7: kendra, scott, ashlea, janae, joy]
21. CHC fundraising event with live music and art sale at jive's
22. bus rides
23. valentine's day at 1022
24. an amazing pool like i've never seen
25. barn dance and cowboy hats

Monday, December 13, 2010


i'm growing so much more sure than i've ever been
more sure of myself
more sure of God's grace
more sure of His immanence
and more sure of my future as a valuable part of the Kingdom

he has used so many different avenues this season to reveal Himself
and Truth
to me

people people people.
there have been a handful of people here this semester who have spoken truth,
whether they were aware of it or not,
to places in me that so badly needed to hear it
maybe just a word
maybe direct guidance
maybe a conversation or a challenge that i needed to face
but all of it in love

and this season too has been one in which i have wrestled with my own integrity,
asking God to "Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting." [ps. 139.23-24]
and He's not slow in answering these requests
His goodness is such that He takes great delight in our growth
and He isn't afraid to allow us to struggle to meet that end
our growth means our increasing Christ-likeness
like Paul claimed, "I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." [phil. 3.10-11]

dr. phil has always said, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge."

i want to be made aware of it in order that i might acknowledge it, and then to change.

a few illustrations from class come to mind

johari window

system of change:
unconscious incompetence (I don’t even know what I need to know) →
conscious incompetence (I realize how much I don’t know) →
conscious competence (I am learning and practicing) →
unconscious competence (now becomes part of who I am)

*the change ( → ) cannot be achieved by focusing on elimination, but by replacement

there is much that still lies ahead of me on my journey, but i'm not intimidated by it.
instead i take this as a challenge

deut. 30.19 "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life..."

Saturday, December 11, 2010


finishing leftovers this week
and getting ready to get back on a plane-
hoping this is the last time for a while.

i'm anticipating going home and making leftovers at home,
hoping to bless mom with a little help in the form of these favorites
[ones that i've accumulated while i've been out here]

from kathryn- creamy pumpkin soup
[i prefer to leave out the water]

lemon chicken

mom's banana bread [not my mom's recipe, but maybe it will be soon]

and i thought of you, jana, when i wrote this.
i hope that you might enjoy one or all of these as well~


Thursday, December 9, 2010


perk |pərk| |pəːk|
noun (usu. perks) informal
• an advantage or benefit following from a job or situation : they were busy discovering the perks of town life.

yes, a perk indeed.
we got to talk with some of the actors and see a special screening of the film before it premieres in theaters next september.
it is well done [although not hollywood quality, they don't claim it to be]
with another amazing message for building up the institution of the family in our context.

the message is directed to men,
pushing them to actively engage in the battle for a healthier society.
the challenge is for our men to step up, embrace a maybe-foreign introspective pattern of understanding themselves,

and to accept the call of their primary ministry: loving their wives and their children well.
[far beyond adequacy]

this is a call to integrity,
to accountability and discipleship,
faithfulness to God - His Spirit, His Word, His children.
for these things my heart beats as well.

i'm excited to see what our Father desires to do through this movie for His Kingdom.
9 months and counting...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


and a sermon from shemen sasson [brings back sweet memories]
by shimon myers.

April 15, 2006: Suffering
[if you want to listen, you'll have to click the link,
then scroll down to April 15, 2006]

i pulled a few exerpts here:

God trusted job enough to let him suffer greatly.
what if God wants to make an example of you to the enemy?

we question our suffering when instead we should question God's grace.

when we're suffering we consider in a mystery, but the mystery really is why does anything good ever happen to any of us?

i challenge you like paul to consider the goodness and severity of God.

consider the goodness of God. He's greater in mercy than anyone in here could ever be.

2 peter 3.9 "The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is LONG-SUFFERING to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

long-suffering [adjective]:having or showing patience in spite of troubles, esp. those caused by other people

don't think you can earn your way out it.

the answer to your suffering isn't just that everything is going to be alright.
we go from trial to trial.

we live only out of His mercy. and grace.

38.2. WHO IS THIS?

who are you to answer God?

You can please God, but don't think that somehow by your goodness you're going to negate suffering.
if you're not suffering chances are you're not anywhere near God's will for your life...

"would you condemn Me that you may be justified?"

the full revelation that job received was seeing who he was (40.4) and seeing who God is (42.1-6)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

rest and grace

simple and beautiful, one of my favorite songs currently:

Rest In You - Hillsong

Your faithfulness endures always
Where mountains fall and reason fails
And You calm the raging seas
And You calm the storms in me, again

All I know is I find rest in You
All I know is I find rest in You

My heart will praise throughout the night
Where singing seems a sacrifice
Your grace is all I need
Your grace is all I need

Rest In You

Friday, December 3, 2010


let me just say that i have never been more sore IN MY LIFE.
yesterday just may have been the most fun i've ever had. in my life.
my alarm went off at 445a. we boarded a bus at 545a.
we arrived at Copper Mountain at about 800a.

we suited up and headed out.
the baby hill first,
and i'm not kidding
we rode the conveyor belt about 15 feet, with the 3-year-olds
then we headed to the beginner's green hill
and this was a blast.

[riding the lift with kendra]

once we got the hang of the small hill (i didn't realize at the time that "small" was understatement), we tried the next "green" trail
alyssa, patrick, and i got on the american eagle lift
and after what seemed like an ETERNITY (probably close to 10 minutes), we got to the top [just before the skittles. ha.]
this should have been our first clue that this green was a bit more than the last
considering that the last lift we rode was no more than a 2 minute ride

[here's lindy and katelyn at the top of the mountain
beautiful, huh?]
so then we set out down the trail.
winding around turns at a downhill angle that i'm not sure i was quite ready for
the most terrifying part being the cliff-like fall to our right. gah!
i managed the first quarter quite confidently.
then came the humbling portion of the descent.
yes, i absolutely wiped out, losing the rest of the group, a pole, and a ski.
then i got back to it, did well for a bit, then took another beautifully impressive spill. after collecting all my parts yet again, i was so cautious that made it back to the bottom without leaving my feet again
and this return was quite a relief...

and the whole day just might top my list of favorite days at FLI.
[coming soon]