know

this line from jj heller

i don't know what You're doing,
but i know who You are.

i do know. and in You is all my hope.
and joy for today.

semantics

my dear friend has taken up the challenge
to inventory 1000 gifts this month
she invited me into it on day 3
and i intended to practice the listing along with her
and though i haven't
i'm working to incline my heart back to that habit
i've been thinking a lot about words lately
maybe its because i've been reading non-stop for the past 2 weeks
or maybe its because i have grown accustomed to formulating all of my thoughts into one-liners, suitable for a status update or a hashtag
or maybe, maybe it is because i've been studying biblical hermeneutics
where everything centers around words - origins, context, genre,
and where we talk about things like personification and anthropomorphism
and from the front of the classroom
we're challenged to understand that the point of all of it
suspending our 21st century american evangelical questions and concerns
this alone reaps those steady dividends
and i know i've been writing frequently on this humility theme
it's because i found this less-traveled road
is the only one that really moves me forward
the only one that feeds me with joy instead of happiness
the long-term protein rather than those fleeting bursts of carbohydrate energy
so i'll probably continue to talk about the same things on this blog
but unapologetically
because though it has been more of the same
i never promised excitement
i promised a testimony
and this, these small transformative moments,
are the story of a transcendent God
involving Himself immanently in this heart
refining me
to more purely reflect Him
and so
with words, lists, stories, a hand-written letter,
a quick reminder that, in korea, she is thinking of me
or a bag of split red lentils, thinking of me
the way that words alone can capture the thoughts and intentions
and teach me to trust
and lure my attention and my own thoughts back to my purpose,
my work and my worship

words hold power
they weigh down with depth
they challenge
they uplift
they shake up
they build
they engage
they hope
they dream
they worship
words are worship, for me
and for this reason i am thankful
for
words
vocabulary
semantics
intentionality.

mundane

i think its fair to say that i've been disengaged
in some ways
the roller coaster of thoughts and emotions
climbing with those things spoken to me, about me
[you might never understand, l,
what that not-so-impromptu starbucks chat meant to me
and j, what those morning words over the telephone lines
did to remind me of who i am in Him -
and how thankful i am for your friendship now]
and plummeting some overnights,
sleepless? a new phenomenon for me
still asking the same old questions
but really
it is so simple
1 thessalonians 4.11.
it is this mundane faithfulness
[thank you kara]
and diligent obedience
that long, faithful walk in one direction
because He doesn't ask me to make a name for myself
He doesn't ask me to build a fortress of confidence
on a foundation of my own achievements
[He and i both know it would be sand]
He asks for fixed eyes
a goal that is high and deep and wide and long,
that doesn't fit within my narrow perspective
a heart that depends on sovereignty
all the while
this body, sown perishable, in dishonor, in weakness
prepares to be raised imperishable, in honor, in glory
and i have to understand myself
small,
while He, greatest of all,
holds all my hope and joy and peace
and every day
i fix these eyes on His glory
taking captive every thought to this end
certain that we will share in His glory
[if indeed we share in His sufferings]

jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)

this is what the Lord says:
“stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls..