Help

So I love this boy.
This child.
A picture from 1 Peter 2.
I love him inconsistently.
God places him on my heart seemingly sporadically,
and I pray and I pray and I pray.
and i cry and cry and cry.
Oftentimes I try to be in touch, often with no luck.
But I think that I try to carry this burden a lot myself because God has given it to me.
And I don't want to talk about it-
because most people don't understand.
and I don't want to burden anyone else with the severity that I believe has developed.
But he has given the burden to my mom too.
And the rest of my family.
I try and try to be positive about it, praying, and hoping.
But the truth is that positivity is hardly an option anymore.
Everything in me tells me that this is at a point where it is worse than I would imagine.
So, yes, I love him.
Even though it hurts to do it.
But I'm asking for prayer-
that God would take hold and go crazy with him.
I trust it and I believe it and I imagine it.
But I want to see it.

²"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk,
so that by it you may grow up in your salvation"