sorrow

i don't mean to sound sadistic at all here
yet i'm recently very intrigued by the concept of suffering.
probably because you can determine a lot about a person's character from how they react in times of suffering.
look at Jesus for example.
but i'm thinking about the vanderwilp family
and if anyone has more reason to be angry about suffering,
it is them.
but they refuse
and present such a beautiful picture of a community of people who genuinely understand their Father
and they have, with their integrity fully intact [like job]
chosen to worship Him who is sovereign
and they've chosen to celebrate kristie.
and i pray that i might learn from them
to suffer well.
because i'm understanding that we weren't called to a life free from challenges
but to show the world a hope amidst hardships
because these are the things that help us to relate to one another, to empathize,
to connect, to really know and care for one another
there's something beautiful about vulnerability, weakness, humility
and these relationships open doors
when we become less
and He more

[colossians 3.15]
"and let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. and be thankful."

joys

this past week was full of them :)

it started out with one massive disappointment as my flight, which was supposed to arrive at 1145p, didn't touch down until 510a
a long night to say the least
yet- i was ever so thankful that we even got out of denver that night as we were one of two flights that was allowed to take off through the denseness of the fog
and i was content with 510a because that meant that i could worship with my community sunday morning
and it was a pleasure like never before
to see will's surprise, then erin's
to catch holli and daniel with little isaiah and analiese
to get a hug from my chels
and bethy and tt
to hear ryan declare the realities of acts 2
and rod, john 4
then to have lunch with my sweet addi...and colin
[and the rest of the family of course]
to see that house in progress: tiling, paint, cabinets...
that new book that arrived the day before i did- a woman who is a true conduit of grace and truth and peace- such a blessing and encouragement

seeing katie and janster, natey, benji [um, he's huge. he walks. he talks. and he overcomes the flu...]

dearest emily and kristopher and the best rice and lemon chicken ever
jenn, tony, maca, lily, bea, ezra, vivi and the best aveda tea ever
[and this vivienne...as smiley as ever, only more wide-eyed and curious!]

jordan x2, charis, deem, charla grace, paula, brooke +1, michelle, brad and the westside [ah, my precious fish ladder...]

emily haus, molly, future roommates...and the best smelling hair products. ever.
anna's house, breakfast, and sheraya +1!
chels and jana and ben- again- and vitale's
and the simple fact that people will always be the most important thing. talks and prayers and tears and laughter...
good old ada crc. people. and worship.
thanksgiving dinner. extended family and dessert. cousins and beautiful marriages.
laurynn and sweet ella joy. driving an hour to say hello.
a little shopping with k and the crazies. a scarf.
then russ', of course, on a friday night.
a saturday morning flight
colorado sun
a roommate so willing to pick me up at the airport
a package waiting for me in the living room at my apartment
[oh kristen, you brightened my day more than you may have expected!]

oh for the small things, for people, for thankfulness, for joys

Worthy

Rak Atah Raui [click here]

i LOVED this song when we were in israel.
we used to worship with a congregation in the New City in Jerusalem on Hillel St.
they are called Shemen Sasson (Oil of Joy).

this song is one that i've been searching for for years :)

the chorus is
rak atah raui letilehotai

it means
only You are worthy of my praise.

beautiful.

Sure

this semester
thus far
has been a great learning and growing experience for me.
i have been challenged in ways i would have never wished.
but i have found confidence in ways that only He could validate.
more than anything i have learned
to a much greater depth
who He is.
and who i am.
and there is this question that He has been asking.
do you trust me?
and this has been the most vivid question that i've heard
since the day i stepped off the plane in tel aviv.
i can answer that question, by the way,
immediately in the affirmative.
now.

one thing that i have struggled with is this issue of adequacy.
knowledge. capacity. understanding.
i'm not a genius. i know this.
[even though jim isom still rings in my head, "your genius lies in your calling."]
but what do i know?
and how do i know it?
the how- so much more than the what- clings to my identity as the most vital thing that i could possess.
Jesus Christ, who lived as a man and as the very representation of the Father- He died and rose again to life through the power of the Holy Spirit.
and because of this free gift of atonement through the blood of Jesus, we are offered justification through faith in Him.
and only because of the justifying work of Jesus on the cross, we have the Spirit who dwells with us for our sanctification

romans 5.1,9,16,18
1 peter 1.2
hebrews 10.14

and i'm not unsure.
i don't know everything. and i never will.
but what i must know, i know.

His love.
never.
fails.

Waiting

another great article from boundless.org

It's Good to Wait by Candice Watters

office

seriously.
i am sitting in what i call my office.
aka the laundry room.
i get my best work done on the dryer.
with laundry going. smells wonderful. and its warm...
currently 3 pages in to an 8 pager on yet another great book by Cloud and Townsend.
maybe i'll fill in the details later

Aslan

“I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."

winter

did i mention that we got our first snow? [the mountains are there, really, just hidden behind the clouds]

upon talking with kathryn a few days ago, i decided that in order for me to not dread, despise, and hate winter, i should take up a winter activity.

i'm leaning towards one of these...




[snowshoeing or cross-country skiing]

Name

yes, joy follows obedience,
and perspective is a gift.

[more to come]

actually, the following is the more that i promised...

Henri J.M. Nouwen.
i am blessed by his heart.
and i am learning from his testimony.

"I am telling you all this because I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her vulnerable self.

"...when [Jesus] was asked to prove his power as the Son of God by the relevant behavior of changing stones into bread, he clung to his mission to proclaim the word he said, "Human beings live not by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

"We keep hearing from others as well as saying to ourselves that having power - provided it is used in the service to God and your fellow human beings - is a good thing. With this rationalization, crusades took place; inquisitions were organized; indians were enslaved; positions of great influence were desired; ...splendid cathedrals, and opulent seminaries were built; and much moral manipulation of conscience was engaged in. Every time we see a major crisis in the history of the Church, such as the Great Schism of the eleventh century, or the immense secularization of the twentieth century, we always see that a major cause of rupture is the power exercised by those who claim to be followers of the poor and powerless Jesus...

"The long painful history of the Church is the history of people ever and again tempted to choose power over love, control over the cross, being a leader over being led...

"One thing is clear to me: the temptation of power is the greatest when intimacy is a threat. Much Christian leadership is exercised by people who do not know how to develop healthy, intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead. Many Christian empire-builders have been people unable to give and receive love.

"Powerlessness and humility in the spiritual life do not refer to people who have no spine and who let everyone else make decisions for them. They refer to people who are so deeply in love with Jesus that they are ready to follow him wherever he guides them, always trusting that, with him, they will find life and find it abundantly."

and i guess these are only a few of the lines that captured my attention [i might as well just have reiterated the whole book]. however, the heart stands out in all 80 short pages, and this heart is one surrendered and humble. and it is not that everyone needs to give their lives to the lifestyle that Henri Nouwen chose, but should everyone seek to have a heart like Jesus as Nouwen did? i think yes.

and i am so BLESSED to have been able to serve and worship under this kind of leadership. i am blessed by the heart of Jesus that i have seen reflected. i am blessed by the need, not to be relevant, spectacular, or powerful, but to have healthy, intimate, and vulnerable relationships. to give and receive love. for real. like Jesus. the greatest blessing that i wouldn't trade for anything.

112

Psalm 112

1 PRAISE THE LORD! BLESSED IS THE MAN WHO FEARS THE LORD,
WHO GREATLY DELIGHTS IN HIS COMMANDMENTS!

2 His offspring will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.

4 LIGHT DAWNS IN THE DARKNESS FOR THE UPRIGHT;
He is gracious, merciful, and righteous.

5 It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
who conducts his affairs with justice.
6 For the righteous will never be moved;
he will be remembered forever.

7 He is not afraid of bad news;
HIS HEART IS FIRM, TRUSTING IN THE LORD.

8 His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
9 He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever;
his horn is exalted in honor.
10The wicked man sees it and is angry;
he gnashes his teeth and melts away;
the desire of the wicked will perish!

[oh and yes, those are the northern lights. i will see them someday!]

faceoff

here's an article from boundless.com [this is where i'm doing my internship this semester].
tim sweetman is talking about the facebook addiction that many of us know so well.
i think he does a great job stating the case for prioritization.
i must agree with him that the Word of God must take precedence.

here's a clip:

"Honestly, I don't think I understand the gravity of my distain of daily time with God. It's not an issue of salvation, of course, but I do think that it's essential to my spiritual health and growth. The thing is, I can spend hours upon hours on the internet browsing Facebook or messing with my electronic devices; I find it absolutely disgusting when this takes the place of God.

What is my true priority in life? I need a serious wake-up call."

here's the whole article:
Facebook Faceoff

beloved

“The woman was made from the rib he had taken out of the man;
not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be
trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under
his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”

– Matthew Henry

emotions

"God could have created us without any capacity for
feelings. But then, in a very real sense, we would have
been left without the capacity for relationships, with
Him or with one another. To eliminate emotions
would not only rid us of fear of the dark, sadness over
death, and anger at inconvenience, but also the deep
love of one close to us, and the joy of connecting with a
friend. Without emotions we are hollow people."

[H. Norman Wright]