thinking

jana writes all the time these days
and she is beautiful and real and raw
and i'm encouraged by her, by what God is doing in her family,
and her introspection
the unexamined life, after all, is not worth living
[thank you, socrates]
these past couple of weeks have provided some much-needed thinking space
but i will still argue that too much thinking space is no good for anyone
i've wrestled with questions of career and identity
friendships, mentorship, discipleship,
i work and work and work
to create value for myself
and it leaves me feeling like i can never measure up
but
i have needed to arrive back at this conclusion
for quite a while now
realizing that i, indeed, can.never.do.it.
and i can so quickly and so often drift from this, the greatest of any reality that will ever face me
that He who sees,
He who adopts undeserving children,
He who longs to be gracious,
He is right here
עמנואל
and i need Him  
always and completely
i've felt an urge to start another season of the truth project 
looking again at the richness of God's character
as truth is fundamentally about who God is
[thank you, os guiness]
and as i continue to learn who it is that God created me to be
i am again grateful to Him for His mercy
because i don't deserve a bit of it
and to mom and dad for the lessons that they hammered into us
and that i can be sure of one thing
Jesus Christ and Him crucified
[thank you, paul] 
and that this guarantee ushers me into His presence,
not in fear like esther's experience with her husband
but in confidence that He hears us in our time of need,
that He has drawn us as a holy priesthood 
to represent Him to a world that just doesn't know
people who don't know what it can feel like when the God of the universe makes Himself known
and shows how such selfless sacrifice, grace, and love without condition 
creates such a place of safety, trust, and rest.