wheat

wheat

i remember the days when words used to flow out from my fingertips
and now it seems that i have so much to say when i can't possibly write
(like when i'm driving, for instance)
but when i get a moment with a keyboard in front of me it is all i can do to squeeze out a few drops that testify to what God is doing
but more often than not i'll start writing
and soon i recognize my preoccupation with trying to make things look or sound a certain way
and it distracts me enough that the little bit that i originally had to say trickles away
and i'm left with a stupid blank screen
and disappointment.
but there's so much to say
like how He's taught me to love people and to put myself aside
granted, not comparable to the way that Jesus loves, but being sanctified to become more like Him
like how He's begun to show me what i love and why
like how He's saved me from decisions that i've made so selfishly
like how He's placed me within a safety net of people who will ask and challenge and listen and forgive and teach and wait and pray and
model for me what it looks like to live a life worthy of Jesus Christ
like how He's planted me in a community of people who can own their sin
and who have learned submission to the painful process of God's discipline
because they have tested and trusted His outcome of the process,
glorifying, exalting the name of Jesus
and at the same time finding such rest under the promise of His faithful acceptance
that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it
even though it comes with pain
even He, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, [made] the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering.
i'm grateful for the men in our church family who have testified to God's healing power,
the men who can confidently tell of His rescue from addictions
addictions to pornography
addictions to self, to pride,
addictions to alcohol, 
addictions to money and control.
and any of these have in common a core belief that God just isn't enough
and many of these brothers share that they masked and performed and faked their ways through years,
claiming Jesus, telling of dreams to serve Him, leading others "in the name of Jesus"
but now, now able to claim Jesus with assurance, to tell of dreams that God is bringing to fruition now, now that they are walking with Him in all truth,
and He, now, has placed so many of these dear brothers into leadership in His Name
because now they walk in His strength,
trusting Him for purity, depending on the all-surpassing power of the Spirit of God in order to fix their eyes on Jesus as the only way to resist sin, the only way to experience life, 
this is testimony.
neil challenges us to recognize testimony the way that paul testified of God - not by telling our stories and how God fits into them, but by telling God's story and how we so humbly and so gratefully fit into His.
the One who has called you is faithful and He will do it.