rags

the difference between sins and sin.
i asked Him to show me my sins.
He did
and not much time had to pass
before i understood that He'd take them
from the east to the west
but still
that lingering sin... sinfulness
the disease that is not identifiable by a label or a moment in time
but by a seed that grows itself in the heart
from conception
until...
Jesus.
the concreteness of sins make them graspable
and this makes a need for a savior realistic.
but when those apparent sins are less a part of one's story
this clouds a vision of any emptiness.
He'll show me my sins (plural)
and yes, I can see Jesus' blood cover them.
But when He shows me my sin (singular)
the seed in my soul
that continues to manufacture the sins
i start to wonder what good it is to cover the sins
when the factory that forms and develops and trains them
remains seemingly untouched and functioning just like before?
my mind begins to conceptualize this reality
and my eyes widen, not in childlike wonder,
but in devastatingly hopeless turmoil
and finally
the sense that i have nothing to wipe up this mess
except for these perpetually filthy rags,
sentenced to forever be a plant of sin production-
this eclipses my vision and i see nothing beyond.
finally.
and i'm left there
if not for One who so far surpasses me
but One who at the same time
can sympathize with my weaknesses,
the humble Savior who alone
offers clean rags
and a pure heart.
and everything is different now.
not because the sins are atoned for
but because the sin is removed
at its root
and He plants Himself where the seed used to be
for He delights in showing me mercy.
fresh each morning.