small

j uses this word a lot
and she's probably taught me more about it than anyone else i know
the gentle reprimand
drawing my attention to the state of my heart
when i speak those words
out of self-preservation
fear
pride
and it is a gift to me
really,
more than anything that i could accept into my hands
is the value of that kind of friendship
and she, among others,
with the soft call back to smallness
the recognition of my actual state before
the throne of Jesus.
and words, treasures, like these
cycle between my ears all weekend
because
it becomes apparent
that every inclination of my heart is only evil all the time
okay, maybe not quite so bad
but
needy nonetheless
very much
and those professors remind
every week
that the goal
is not critical spirits
but critical minds

and this song
on repeat
reminds and reminds and reminds
deuteronomy 8
that He alone is worthy of greatness
and the smallness, mine
that gift
and i am in the place for which i was designed
and this is the best place.