common

dear brother,
thank you
for talking with me
kind and curious as you were
for sharing with me your heart for discipleship
and faithfulness
in a house of humility,
for laughing with me
as we listed
all of the people that make our world so small,
common ground.
thank you for reminding me of that standard
that i've had for so long,
that i've been gradually letting go of
and reminding me that no level of settling is necessary.
like elijah
when he thought he had exhausted all other options
God reminded him
there are 7000 still,
and i believe Him again.
thank you for giving me a few hours of your time
for honoring me,
for listening.
talking with you was a breath of fresh air
a little hope infused back into my soul
thank you for your words
and thank you for tea.

it's an honor
to be at a place with God where He doesn't cater to my need for all of those feelings
feelings of His presence in my life
feelings of happiness
feelings of satisfaction, having received what i asked for
i'm grateful
that at this point in my journey with Him
i depend on the history,
the one that He's written,
more than on my present circumstances.
His story from the first accounts of the creation of the world,
and my entrance into His story,
from the first recollections i have of life under this sun
up until the present moment
it's an honor to be counted worthy
to be trusted with the deepest of truths
when my circumstances change or disappoint
or leave me feeling lonely, dissatisfied, or hopeless
i can still cling to
the Rock that is higher than i
for in this is all my value, and my joy.
when the unshakable Rock raws the hands but the grip remains firm,
when everything apart from this Rock is shaken,
these hands, this body, this soul+mind+heart
is satisfied with everything it could ever need

and thank you, my precious Jesus,
for responding 'no' when my request for emotionalism is childish
when i'm asking for some impulsive form of assurance that you're present
or some confirmation that you are indeed good
when you've proved yourself to only, always be so

i count it an honor to be told no
when i already know
that You know
what i need