alone

i see you
i see that loud personality that vies for attention at every turn
i see that smile, perpetual, and in so many ways, genuine
because you love people, being around them, learning about them,
laughing with them
but i also see you when you go back to your apartment at the day's end
and you're alone
you distract yourself
with books, movies, social media,
but no real joy
not the kind with roots that run deep
immovable in the unshakable rock that is your sure foundation too.
we've talked about these things in the early morning hours
you listened curiously when i shared my heart with you
and then you shared, i was honored to be let into this space,
but you kept some of those rooms in your heart locked, dark, secret
and i wondered then what it would take
and neil [most credible and humble to speak about suffering]
used to tell me that so-often young people need life experiences and suffering and time
and the maturity that results from all of these
before they can understand
we can't make you to know what we know
just like those ahead of me can't make me to know what they know [though i wish]
you're on your own journey
and i know that God will give you that gift of suffering and time
He'll let you experience real depths
real levels to which you have no choice but to engage
and the distractions just won't suffice anymore
i know that He'll teach you who He is and how worthy He is of every bit of you
He'll walk you back into those most-painful places
He'll ask you to put words to how you felt then and how you feel now
and no amount of fun or people or alcohol or drama or affirmation from those people
will heal the memories
you're not alone dear one
and your Father -
He knows what you need.
and i promise you that He's trustworthy.