importance

everything in me wants to defend this fortress
to "be true to myself" as i'm told to do
because if i feel it, it must be true...right?
it's shouted to me from each angle:
feelings are the barometer of truth
some days i try it out and i like how it feels
and i rise to the top of the hierarchy of all things important
they keep telling me this is right and good,
this is the way to happiness and confidence and success
i want it to be true
because it feels empowering
but i feel sick
every time
the instant gratification of being right and strong
it does it's job, gratifying instantaneously
then it flits away and takes everything with it
and does nothing to improve the interpersonal
or the intrapersonal
finally in the early morning hours
when eyes open sooner than usual
and the mind spins circles so that sleep is no longer welcome
i wonder if there isn't a way that yields more fruit
because the rotten fruit that i've peeled from the branches until now
has never found a purpose.
i decide to try the opposite, experiment.
the lowering of self to a place of minimum importance
so as to look up to those previously labeled inferior
i watch vulnerability blossom
freedom and acceptance exhale
and this feels even better
more right
more fruitful
more life