transition

i'm sitting in this time of transition
well, hardly sitting, actually.

this week i move out of the boiler room
i guess i just didn't quite understand how difficult this would be for me...
i tend to see things in a very practical sense
and so
moving out was just one of those things that happens when life changes
but
this community
these people
this house
these have all become home.
and with that, safety and so much joy.
familiarity.
rest.
i don't want to leave.
but regardless of what it is that i think i want,
God knows so much better
and so the next step is to sort and pack and bring my things home.
home...mom and dad's house on egypt valley-
the place i grew up
and the next step after that is to board a plane for colorado springs for 3 1/2 months
and all the while i'm there
my childhood home goes through transitions of its own
as it is emptied of everything that i've known to be mine
and it is moved into a new home, about which- don't get me wrong- i am incredibly excited
i have discovered of myself this love-hate relationship with change
but we serve a God who does not change...
and this constancy is beautiful.

answers

when God answers requests
or when He gives a gift
humility is always the added bonus.
looking back this is easy to appreciate
but in the moment...never quite so simple.
at community prayer a few months ago
we prayed for eachother's requests.
it was a monday i remember vividly
because todd and rachel were there
and tony and char and paula and deem and jord...
basically i asked that God would increase my faithfulness,
that He would entrust me with more of His secrets so that i could be the servant...the slave of Christ that i claim to be
and so He has been revealing what i've asked.
He has been proving that the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.
and along with that He has been preparing me to step out
and He's asking of me these conversations that i cannot possibly anticipate
only trust that Jesus' words in luke 12.12 are truth
so i sigh.
and humble myself under His sovereignty.
yet again.

full

i think that i have just come up on a season in which God is renewing my awareness of my need for Him.
and this renewal is such grace. from Him.
this reminder, re-focus to Himself, is what i hope to be the daily interaction between He and i. always.
and it is beyond my capability to express how genuinely i am experiencing this need that i have for Him and this love that He has given me for Himself. and i hope that i never lose this treasure of experiential learning.
it is a real gift when He brings me to the place of misery when one too many days passes without real communication.
because He is well aware of where my heart is. He is not oblivious to the days when i read a few chapters...then on with my day (my day, right?)
He demands real relationship. and real knowledge of Him. not because He's egotistical, but because He knows that for me to know Him is the best way possible to live.
He came that i (and you) may have life.

to the full.