i didn't get to answer because the time it took me to think created space for more questions
and we changed the subject.
but i kept thinking about it.
i think that i have not learned anything about Him in quite a while now,
but i have lately been confronted with the essence of who He is.
i've been learning His character in such a way that it feels foundational.
i don't read the Bible hoping to "feel" something intense or unique,
i've been reading more and listening to sermons and from these things i am gathering not necessarily quotes and verses and the things i used to look for,
but i'm walking away from these things with a sense for each pastor's, each theologian's, each teacher's understanding of how much greater God is than we.
paul writes in romans 9,
"So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills. You will say to me then, "Why does he still find fault? For who can resist his will?" But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use?"
i finally, finally, read these words and understand.
until i understand my lowly place before Him
i cannot feel confident in my knowing Him.
i'm learning a gratitude for the Gospel that i am just beginning to understand.
thank you Jesus for coming here, for showing us how to know Him, for promising to make everything right. soon.
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