Compartmentalize

It just happened so gradually that I didn't even realize
If you would ask me,
I would never tell you that real life can be lived,
dividing what I do from my relationship with God,
But somehow this is how I was living.
And if it weren't for that conversation I had with Jemimah a year ago,
I would never have known what was happening.
God was silent for a while.
And I don't know if you have ever experienced God's silence
But its miserable.
Its not that He's not there,
Because He promises to be Always.
But I've experienced His silence
And its misearble.
And lonely
And it feels hopeless.
But He does it because
He loves us that much.
I am more and more convinced that when life is hard,
God is the most real
And the most near.
He knows that I know that I can't do life without Him.
But somehow I have found myself making big decisions and taking big steps-
Controlling my own life-
Without His blessing.
So I wondered why I wasn't enjoying life
And I wondered why I wasn't happy
And I wondered why He wasn't speaking-
And when we call,
He answers.
Every time.
Every.
And He said it quite clearly.
And I am finding that I need to bring everything before Him.
Every decision.
Every step.
Every dream.
Lay it down at the cross.
And wait.
Wait for Him to approve.
Or disapprove.
And this requires me being willing to let go of-
Anything.
Everything
if He asks me to.
So I'm waiting to see what's next.