peace

to me,
it is bordering on comical how being sick can truly color the way i see
e v e r y t h i n g else as well.
but only bordering. not actually funny.
i have to remind myself when thinking hopelessly about any number of things just how ridiculously a sickness can effect me.
the thought today was "reading always makes me fall asleep. how will i ever be able to read any book, ever?!"
and.
i can think this way about people.
one fear. frustration. difference of opinion. and i see no hope.
but where is my hope?
is it in my absence of fear?
or my emotions?
or my omniscience?
it's in Him.
and if it's ever anywhere else, in anyone else, i have every reason to feel hopeless.
but
He is my rock.
just Him.
always.
there is not a person in the world that i will ever love and need and trust more.
and as long as i can hold fast to this truth,
the pressure on anyone else is far less.

and this is what peace feels like.